Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Seattle --> Dallas: Life in the Fast Lane

Hey friends!  So just got internet for the first time in the past 4 days.  Been crazy hectic!  Left from Redmond, WA to drive to Dallas, TX for my 2nd move as a "grown-up" what a pain in the A$$!  There is so much work involved in moving its sickening.  Not to mention you have to pack and then unpack all your stuff!  The worst!

So a quick recap:
  • Left wednesday the 23rd, got in 11 hrs of driving, nearly shot myself into a ditch at the end of the have heard of DOMS (Delayed onset muscle soreness), well i have DONITD (Delayed Onset Narcolepsy in the Dark!)  once the sky turns black my body shuts down, and so do all my driving functions haha.  Luckily i had Iris to keep me away with her very interesting comments ;)  
  • Got up early thursday to drive to san fran to meet up with some friends before finally landing in Calabasas to hang out with the one and only JP Severin.  We went for a couple runs, got some grub and beer.  We even had a special rating on mr JP's dinner...
    • This one is for the Sara(h)'s...thats right we had another diamond in the rough rating!  The burgers at "The Lab" bar and grill received an Excellent minus!  I had one as well and would have to concur Off the CHarts!
  •  After the very short stint with the Severins, Iris and I were back on the road and had a short drive ahead of up Las Vegas!
    • Vegas was unbelievable!  So fun.  We went to a bunch of casinos, got a bunch of free beer, and also went to see the Blue Man Group at the Venetion.  That show blew my mind, so sweet!  we had amazing seats...2nd row right in the center...we had to wear ponchos because we were so close!  Even the ponchos didnt keep us clean as sitting right directly in front of all the sprayage caused for some damaged clothing.  They sprayed a plethora of items at us, the worst of which was a squashed up banana concoction that they shot out of a hose right in our faces.  At the end of the show I looked down and realized that my poncho was an off spring of inter special breeding between a piece of Swiss cheese and an island of misfit toys poncho.  The blue men managed to get banana goo all over me inside the poncho.  
    • After the show i went to assess the damage in the bathroom, and i looked like a frat boy who had tried too many kegstands...funny how crusty dried up banana chunks look like puke all over.  After an extended cleaning session, iris and i were back out on the strip soaking up the scene under the bright lights.
  • After a crazy night out, iris and i realized we still had a heck of a long way to go to get to dallas, so we packed up early on very little sleep, and were out the door.  As we were leaving we realized we had one more stop to make in Vegas...we had to hit up the World Famous "Gold and Silver Pawn Shop" from the show Pawn Stars on the History channel.  
    • That was so sweet to experience!  Unfortunaltely none of the big wigs from the show were there, however seeing the big ticket items that they have live in person was unbelievable!
  • After the pawn shop we hit the road, decided to try to pull an all nighter and get to dallas in the morning rather than sunday night.  We stopped at this shady looking Chinese buffet in Flagstaff, AZ and figured, the rattier on the outside, the better the food on the inside...BIG MISTAKE!
    • The food was phenomenal, stuffed myself silly like a fat kid in a candy store! (i have a soft spot for chinese buffets, and cant really help myself every time im in one)
    • after nearly a dozen plates of chicken, rice, noodles, crab rangoon, rat on a stick, and lastly ice cream, we departed from the salmon colored $hith0le and were back on the road.
  • After about 3 hours my body had realized what i had filled it full of, and i started to let loose on iris...if you are faint of heart for flatulence and/or defecation, skip this paragraph :) but no joke, words can not truly explain the full eye opening experience i encountered  
    • I let a few farts out and knew i was in trouble...that aroma can only lead lead to bad things!  Within 10 mins of the gas I was in a world of pain...i was clenching the cheeks full strength, and pleading for mercy for iris to pull over at the next exit...naturally we were in the middle of the desert in Arizona, and there were no convenient stops, so i did what i had to do, and almost didnt make it!  

    • Luck was on my side (unlike my dear friend above) and i was able to make it 2 steps outside of the car before i proceded to drop trau and squat on the side of the road!  In my panicking state, i wasnt paying attention to the surroundings and was violated in all the wrong places by a small cactus.  OUCH 
  • The rest of the trip was not nearly as eventful as the previous half.  we drove through the night, made it to dallas the following morning and began to unpack the car.  We made it safe, and now we get to start the new phase of our live...trying to live in a sauna.  
 Iris I love you, thanks for putting up with me for 40ish hours in the car.  i had a lot of fun :)

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